


"Hey, Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. We're gonna end this pandemic."

by Garrus____Vakarian



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Love, Pandemics, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Please be gentle, Sappy, Sweet, also this happened sometime in season 3, also this is my first time, but it ends well I promise, i'm so sorry for writing about covid, this work is incomplete rn but i promise i'll finish it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garrus____Vakarian/pseuds/Garrus____Vakarian
Summary: In a Tri-State area where havoc reigned supreme in the wake of a global pandemic, Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher decide to take matters into their own hands.
Relationships: Candace Flynn/Jeremy Johnson, Carl Karl & Major Monogram, Coltrane/Stacy Hirano, Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Lawrence Fletcher/Linda Flynn-Fletcher, Phineas Flynn/Isabella Garcia-Shapiro
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	1. the one where enough is enough

“Well, Ferb, I think that’s it. I think we’ve done everything.”

It was 11 AM on a crisp, sunny, summer morning. As the pandemic raged on around them, Phineas and Ferb had officially run out of ways to kill time confined only to their backyards. The boys had not seen their friends in months. The only way they could hang out with them was within the Virtual Hangout video game they created a few months back, but being inside a virtual world with your friends still isn’t as good as the real thing.

Ferb looked at his brother blankly, hands behind his head as he rests against the tree.

“I mean, think about it,” Phineas continued, “a lot of the stuff kinda needs our friends to be here. It’s just more fun that way.” Phineas took Isabella coming into their backyard every day for granted, and he sorely missed her. He missed wondering how Buford would’ve wedgied Baljeet when they came over. He hadn’t seen that oddball, Irving, even though nobody exactly knew what his deal was. He missed the rest of the Fireside Girls and frequently wondered what patches he would’ve helped them get from their crazy contraptions.

Ferb blinked.

“I mean, at least it’s been fun having Perry around the entire day, but look at him,” he said, pointing at the semi-aquatic mammal. He chatters in response.

“He’s just a platypus. He doesn’t do much.”

The world around the boys carried on as usual, and this seemed to infuriate Phineas even more. “Love Handel held a concert just last week, and even though mom and dad stood at home and saw it on TV, it seemed that more than half of the Tri-State area was in attendance! No face coverings! People were so close to each other; you could swear that there would be no space for ants between them!”

Ferb continued to look at his brother.

Phineas had finally had enough of this virus. It was time for him to take matters into his own hands.

“You know what? Enough is enough, Ferb.”

“I know what we’re gonna do today.”


	2. the one where Candace took a shower

“I’m losing my mind, Stacy.”

It’s been months since Candace had left the house at all. Sometimes she wishes she never quit her job at Mr Slushy because then she would have a reason to leave the house. The thought of a hotdog stand being open during a pandemic perplexed her, but right now she would give anything to leave the house for anything at all.

“The boys just go on with their gadgets like nothing is happening, and every single time, my mom manages to miss them somehow completely. I don’t get it.”

“Uh huh,” her friend replied in a most disinterested manner. It’s been months of this, but she loves Candace, and so she continues to put up with it.

“And worst of all? I haven’t seen Jeremy in months. I mean, I get it, he has asthma so if I get him sick, he will die. And I don’t want Jeremy’s blood on my hands.” Candace was starting to get quite lovesick. During the height of the quarantine, she added more to her shrine of Jeremy; it covered her entire mirror at this point. There isn’t much that Candace wouldn’t give to get to spend time with him again.

“Yeah, he also has to help you have Xavier and Amanda at some point,” said Stacy, in an uncomfortably suggestive tone. “You have _needs_ , after all.”

“What? No. Ew. Stacy, this is still a cartoon.”

“Oh yeah, right. Well, you know what? Let’s go out. Today. Me, you, Coltrane and Jeremy. We’ll keep our distance from each other and cover our faces.

Candace beamed at the thought. She’d get to see Jeremy again. And Stacy! It was a two for one deal! She produced the largest smile Stacy had ever seen in her entire life, and also the fastest-fading smile that Stacy had ever seen in her whole life. Candace was now apprehensive.

“You—you really think that’s a good idea?” she asked.

“Sure,” Stacy replied. “I haven’t seen you in forever, plus it will be good to get away from my parents for a while. They’ve been driving me nuts lately. Let’s meet up at the mall, say, 1 PM?”

“You know what? Sure. Let’s do it. Call Coltrane. I’ll call Jeremy. Let’s do it. See you later!”

The call ended, and Candace slammed her laptop shut. She jumped with joy for a little bit before realising that she still needed it to call Jeremy. She opened it and called him.

“Hey, Jeremy, so, uh, listen, me, Stacy, and Coltrane are hanging out at the mall today, and I was hoping you could come along?” Candace was sweating bullets now. Asking Jeremy out has never been this hard.

He chuckled. “Sure, Candace. It’ll be nice to see you after so long. I’ll make sure to bring you a gym towel.”

Candace was as red as a tomato. They laughed, hung up, and she blew a huge sigh of relief.

She realised that she’d been wearing the same unicorn onesie for a week straight now, and needed to take a shower since she’d be seeing people.

Maybe she should wear a high ponytail today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I hope you like this so far. It's my first time, so please feel free to leave any thoughts and comments and suggestions and criticisms that you may have below. I don't think anyone will notice this, but Candace broke the fourth wall in the same way Carl did in the season 2 episode "Make Play". Good eye if you caught the reference.


	3. the one where Perry wore a mask

Perry had become accustomed to a comfortable life. Major Monogram hadn’t called him in months now. He replaced all the time he would spend fighting Doofenshmirtz by taking afternoon naps, hanging out with the boys and watching TV with Lawrence. He missed Doof and sometimes had dreams of them hanging out and having a good time as mutual nemeses during afternoon naps. He often wondered what the scientist was up to, but he was enough of a non-threat that the Major just kept quiet about him.

The boys were outside with a table, drawing up a blueprint to figure out how they would end the pandemic. Candace was upstairs, taking a shower. Linda was in the kitchen, baking bread, talking to Lawrence about antiques, and how people would value them more after the pandemic. Life was good until he heard a sound that he hadn’t heard in a very long time.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

His wrist was flashing. It was go time.

Before he realised what was going on, his bed had already done a full rotation, dumping him into a tube marred with cobwebs, in desperate need of lubrication. The momentum he had gathered was insufficient to bring him to the end of a tube with this much friction, so he put his hat on and dragged himself to the end.

He landed feet first into the lair. There was a powerful alcohol smell. His lair was generally kept clean, but someone had recently thoroughly cleaned it. Perry ran to the chair, where Major Monogram would greet him.

“Good morning, Agent P. Over the past couple of months, we’ve learned that Doofenshmirtz has been—oh, you need to put that on,” he said, pointing at the mask on Perry’s desk.

Perry gawked at him. Platypuses can’t get the virus, and they both knew this.

“Yeah, I know, but it’s just policy. We can’t risk you being an inactive host and getting vulnerable people sick.”

Defeated, Perry wore the mask.

“That’s better. Now, Doofenshmirtz has been awfully quiet lately, because we’ve—sorry, Agent P, but do you mind also using the sanitiser, there?”

Perry could not believe this. He was literally incapable of getting sick. He gave the Major a death glare.

“Look, we just can’t take any risks, considering that a member of your host family was previously compromised with it. We don’t know how clean your house is.”

Maintaining the death glare, Perry slowly and spitefully pumped some sanitiser onto his paws and rubbed it until they absorbed the liquid. It stung a little because platypuses shouldn’t be using hand sanitiser.

“Thanks. Now, we’ve had no idea what’s going on with Doof. This is because _someone_ had to go to that D&D game and get our entire recon team and most of the office sick with the virus,” he said in a very passive-aggressive tone.

A shrill, nasally voice responded off-screen. “But, sir, it was the last night of our playthrough!”

“Carl, what did I tell you about talking in my direction while you’re sick with the virus?”

A brief pause ensued. “…sorry, sir.”

“I have no idea why he still comes to the office. He’s alone behind a shield, and we’re never in the same room together, so he won’t get me sick,” the Major explained. “Anyway, our entire recon team is sick, so we have no idea what he’s up to. Find out while staying six feet away from him and, if necessary, put a stop to it!”

Perry gave the aye-aye salute, backflipped into his rocket car, and made his way to the Doof’s apartment. He was a little excited to be seeing his nemesis again. Maybe he wouldn’t blow a hole in the wall today.


	4. the one where Phineas briefly became a centaur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a forewarning: I am not a medical student. Nor am I a biotechnology student. I am a second-year computer science student. I know almost nothing about how the body fights diseases. My technical understanding of COVID is limited to a Kurzgesagt video I watched back in March. There's a pretty big paragraph which may make next to no sense for the more medically inclined among you, so I'm sorry about that.

“That’s a mighty fine plan if you ask me. Ferb, bring the friendbots. They’re gonna wanna see this.”

Ferb looked at his brother.

“I know, I know, but it’s the responsible thing to do. C’mon, bring them out.”

Again, Ferb continued looking at him.

“You know what, you’re right. This would be a lot better if they were here. Call them all.”

One by one, their friends came over. A masked Isabella was the first to arrive with a pleasant, “Hey, Phineas! Whatcha doin’?” Next was Baljeet with a face shield and Buford in a plague doctor mask. “It’s Tuff Mask. This is what bullies use for protection,” he explained. Tuff Mask!

When everyone was in the backyard, Phineas began by explaining the plan that he and Ferb came up with.

“Well, the disease is caused by the virus eating away at lung membrane tissue and ordering that tissue to make copies of the virus, right? And our problem is antibodies sent by the immune system getting confused and killing the good guys and the bad guys, right? Well, our plan is to use the shrinking submarine tech we once used on Pinky to create an army of nanobots that know exactly what to destroy inside the lungs: the bad guys and all the copies of the virus.

“This will, in turn, make the body think that the infection has cleared once no more bad guys remain, allowing the immune system to go back to status quo and create more antibodies to fight against infection, the blueprint for which it will obtain from the nanobots. Does anybody have any questions?”

Isabella stopped paying attention as soon as Phineas began explaining the plan. Her mind was fully consumed by how dreamy Phineas is when he’s saving the world. Baljeet was pensive. Buford wanted to eat a bug.

Baljeet had a question. “How would you handle distribution?”

“Good question. We expect resistance from people if we invite them to come to get a shot or take a pill or something like that, so we’re going to concentrate the nanobots in an odourless, mist-based aerosol, which we’re going get onto blimps piloted by us and the Fireside Girls, and spray it all over the Tri-State Area first, then the world. If results are promising, Ferb and I can build a plane similar to the one we made for the longest day of summer, and fly around the world to spray it in a higher layer of the atmosphere, ensuring even distribution.”

Isabella was briefly excited for her blimp piloting patch. Her excitement quickly became concern. “Isn’t this a little bit unethical?”

Phineas came to her, grabbed her hand and said, “as long as I get to be with you again, my love, I will go to the ends of the earth to end this pandemic.” He then turned into a centaur and picked her up as they ran into the sunset, before she opened her eyes again to Phineas saying, “does that make sense to you?”

“Uh-huh, yeah,” she responded quickly. She really missed standing in front of him.

The plan was set. Everyone knew what had to be done. They got to work building the blimps.

It was the beginning of the end of the end.


	5. the one where Candace gets rekt

Candace’s busting senses were tingling as she was tying her hair up. She peeked outside her window and saw them all outside in front of a clipboard. This had to be bustable. Their friends shouldn’t be here. She rushed downstairs to yell at them.

“PHINEAS, WHAT IS GO—oh, wait, give me a moment.”

She rushed back inside, grabbed a mask, put it on and stormed outside again.

“PHINEAS, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?”

“Oh, hey, Candace. Ferb and I are ending the pandemic.”

“Nice ponytail, Candace,” Isabella remarked.

“Thanks, you like it?” said Candace, before focusing on the reason she came outside. “You and your little friends shouldn’t be out here. You three should be at home. Oh, you are so busted!”

She stormed inside to the kitchen where her mother was kneading bread dough.

“Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Phineas and Ferb are ending the pandemic!”

“Candace,” she responded in the flattest, most dismissive voice she could muster, “you are seeing your friends for the first time in months and you would rather worry about what Phineas and Ferb are doing?”

Candace looked at her with a shocked expression on her face. “B-b-b-but…”

“Is this really how you want to spend your afternoon?”

Candace became blank-faced as she realised what she was doing.

“Plus, why would I want to bust the boys if they’re trying to end the pandemic? If anything, you should be encouraging them. This is the first time I’ve seen you wear anything other than that onesie in weeks, and if the end of the pandemic is what it takes for you to dress normally again, then I’m behind it. Now, I have to let this dough rise while I prepare some more. Go out and have fun with your friends.”

“Yeah,” she responded, “I think you have a point. I’m gonna go see Jeremy!”

“That’s the spirit, Candace! Also, nice ponytail.”

Gleefully, Candace rushed upstairs. She gave herself a few puffs of Jeremy’s favourite perfume, grabbed her phone, put her shoes on, admired the shrine for about fifteen seconds and rushed back downstairs. She put her mask on, went to the garage, grabbed her bicycle and made her way to the mall.

She was going to see Jeremy today, and nothing was going to stop her.


	6. the one with the emotionally scarring backstory

Perry parked his rocket car in a parking bay, right outside Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc. He made his way inside and up to the penthouse, where he knocked, for a change. A brief moment passed before an unmasked scientist opened the door.

“Perry, the Platypus? Wow, thank you for using the front door this time. I was getting tired of continually fixing my wall from you breaking it down. Come on in, but first, hold your paws out.”

The platypus obliged and shut his eyes in fear of getting trapped, but what happened was far worse than a trap. There was a spray for each paw, followed by that stinging feeling again. Doof had just sanitised Perry’s paws. Perry was incredibly annoyed now, and he didn’t even know what the scientist was up to yet.

“Sorry,” he said, “I’ve just got to keep the place really clean now. Vanessa has a weak immune system. Anyways, make yourself at home, Perry the Platypus, it’s been months since I’ve last seen you. Come on in, take a seat!”

Perry walked to the little sitting area where there were two chairs, a couch and a table in the middle, scattered with various magazines. For a man who wants to take over the Tri-State Area, he had pretty good taste in magazines. Before Perry had a chance to sit down in the chair, Doof rushed to it with the spray bottle and cloth, sprayed the chair and wiped it down before the platypus sat down. Predictably, the chair was a trap, as Perry was now bound to it at his arms.

“So, Perry, the Platypus,” he began, “you know how I’ve been trying for the past three years to take over the Tri-State Area using things like weather machines, giant magnets and ice cream? Well, I’ve realised that I’ve been going about this in the wrong way, altogether. You see, Perry, the Platypus, back in Gimmelshtump…

“My family was impoverished. Our only source of heat in the essentially endless winter was the little furnace my mom used as a stove, and we would huddle up in front of it every evening. Roger, of course, got to sit right in between my parents so that he would share their body heat in addition to the fire in front of him. On the nights where my father thought it was too cold for me to be the garden gnome, I sat to the side of my mother, furthest away from the fire, so I was still cold regardless.

“One winter, the entire village ran out of firewood. It was too far a trip for us to go anywhere to get more wood, so my parents burned my boy clothes and kept themselves warm with those. But when those ran out, the screw was really pooched, as the kids say. We went cold for over two weeks every evening, as there was nothing else to burn until some pioneers from the west came and gave blankets to my entire village. Of course, I didn’t get one, because my mother decided that Roger needed another one in case one of his got dirty, and she needed to wash it.

“What nobody knew is that all the blankets were carriers of a horrible, horrible disease which made my entire village very sick. Except me, of course, since I didn’t have a blanket. This disease kept everyone at home because they were too weak to go anywhere. I, alone, had to handle cooking for my entire family and cleaning the house and doing Roger’s laundry, even though he was way less sick than everyone else. My mother still made me do it. It was horrible, bringing Roger his laundry because he would do this horrendous smug face every time I gave it to him.

“Maybe two weeks after everyone got the blankets, the pioneers came back and offered to cure everyone in exchange for being rulers of the village. Since everyone was so sick, they just obliged for the cure, and the pioneers became the lords of the village.

“The pioneers had the right idea all along. You don’t give people ice-cream headaches or make them look away from whatever they’re looking at, or learn whale song to embarrass an old flame who left you for a whale. You make everyone’s situation so bad, that when you offer to help them in exchange for absolute power, they’re willing to end their suffering even despite the magnitude of what you’re asking. Which is why, Perry, the Platypus, I present to you—the COVID-inator!”

Perry was flabbergasted. He knew that Doof was evil, but he had no idea that he could get this bad.

“This, Perry, the Platypus, uses the DNA from this sick pangolin to spread around a virus which targets your respiratory tract, breaks your lungs down from within while rapidly making copies of itself until the victim develops pneumonia and can’t breathe for themselves. Once that happens, they’ll have to go to hospital, and pay thousands of dollars and get hooked up to one of those… things, y’know, Perry, the Platypus, the one that goes into your arm and on your finger? Well, that, and when enough people are in this stage of the sickness, I swoop down and offer them a cure and a vaccine, in exchange to be the ruler of the Tri-State Area!”

Perry feared the scientist now. Usually, his evil plans end in a fireball, or in some sort of incident that gets cancelled out by whatever the boys were making that afternoon, but the scary part of this plan was that it was actually _working_. As intended, even. People were sick not only in the Tri-State Area but in the entire world. He looked at him in absolute terror and swallowed.

“So,” he continued, “you’re probably wondering: why aren’t I or any of my family sick? Good question. I had to, uh, mix some of my DNA with this pangolin’s so that anybody genetically related to be is immune.”

Perry gave him a disgusted look.

“What? No! Ew, not like that,” the scientist exclaimed. “I just made it eat some of my hair. Anyways, I’m immune and so is anyone genetically related to me. Still, since Vanessa’s system is weak, I don’t want to take any chances with making this place a breeding ground for the virus. Besides, I have the cure already, and it’s in that fragile glass bottle held up by a worryingly weak net.

“I know that the virus has gone to become a global hit, but I still want to start small and rule the Tri-State Area first before taking over the rest of the world. And, seeing that nobody outside is covering their faces or keeping their distance, the virus is spreading really nicely, I might say.

“See, Perry, the Platypus, this is one of those little things. My -inator is working, you’re trapped, and Netflix has renewed You for a third season.

“These are the good times, Perry, the Platypus. These are the good times.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went a little hard with Doof's emotionally scarring backstory, but that was because I wanted to find a way to justify someone creating COVID. And, just so we're clear, I don't believe that this virus was man-made. I believe whatever it is that the scientists are saying about it.


	7. the one where Buford and Baljeet almost squared up

Everything was going smoothly in the backyard.

Buford and Ferb deftly worked on building the blimps. It made no sense to Buford how this backyard dynamically changed its size to deal with the boys’ contraptions. One day, there’s barely space for anything other than the tree. The next, there’s an entire miniature golf course here. You can’t forget the day they made a whole beach back here, either. And yet, there he and Ferb were, finishing the balloon skeleton on the last blimp of their fleet.

Meanwhile, Baljeet and Isabella worked on the synthesis of the nanobots. The bots themselves were about the size and shape of a footlong Subway sandwich. Baljeet would work on the bot chassis’ assembly while working together on the bot’s programming. The Fireside girls were instrumental to these bots’ programming, as they went on daring recon missions around the Tri-State area. They visited very heavily trafficked areas commonly populated by people who still thought the virus is a hoax and refused to keep their distance from others or wear masks as a result. They would go and swab some of the areas there to catch live samples of the virus, so that Isabella may deconstruct it and that Baljeet can reconstruct it so that the bots know what to target, and how to target it after killing the viruses inside the lungs. After assembly of a single bot, it would be shrunken down until it was microscopic, only just smaller than the virus, and given to Phineas.

As the foreman, Phineas was primarily overlooking the entire operation. On top of this, he handled the aerosol canisters which would be responsible for containing the nanobots. To save on time (since there wasn’t much), Phineas had a shipment of about two hundred empty 210 kg LPG bottles, which he would later fill with the aerosol and nanobots. The aerosol itself was nothing special; it was just water that could remain steam in temperatures as cold as ambient. As a result, the aerosol would end up as a thick mist around the Tri-State area. Inconspicuous, discreet, and guaranteed to be inhaled at some point.

“Buford,” Isabella asked, “don’t you find it a bit uncomfortable to be wearing what’s essentially a gigantic beak on your face while working like that?”

“No,” he confidently answered. “Well, a little. Society places a lot of pressure on us bullies to appear and be tough. What kind of bully would I be if I wore what that nerd next to you was wearing?”

“I’m right here, you know,” Baljeet retorted. “And, you would look like less of a moron.”

“Sick burn,” said Ferb.

“I have an idea, you guys,” Phineas said. “How about after we save the world, we can build a wrestling ring and finally figure out if Baljeet’s brains are superior to Buford’s brawn once and for all?”

“I like that idea,” Isabella said. “My money’s on Baljeet.”

“When did I agree to this?” asked Baljeet, a little terrified. He was tired of asking his parents to buy him new underwear as it is. Buford went through several pairs in a month from all the wedgies he gave to Baljeet.

“Just now,” Buford responded. “Unless you’re gonna back out and be a wuss again?”

“You’re on, bully.”

“Oh, it’s on now. I am going to crush you when this is over.”

“Keep that energy, you guys,” said Phineas. “For now, though, let’s put our backs into this.”

After a few seconds of silence, as everyone noticed Phineas’ impatience, everyone returned to work. Ripe with the smell of their workshop equipment, Phineas missed this. He missed looking forward to the completion of a project.

Life was good. And it was about to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm sorry for disappearing. I went to go see my grandparents and didn't take my laptop with me, so I couldn't work on it. Also, sorry for the short chapter. There's a lot coming through, something big is going to happen and I think you're going to love it.


End file.
